


Until Whenever

by motteme



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Birthday Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, GTOP, I hope you guys enjoy this because I actually like it, M/M, but I made up for it, hopefully, there is some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 13:27:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11829687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/motteme/pseuds/motteme
Summary: Jiyong is finally at home, just in time for his birthday, but is he really able to enjoy his special day in an empty flat? The past few weeks and months have been the hardest in his life and he still misses his boyfriend more than anything in the world, especially after the events during June, he just wants to curl up in his arms and hold him close.This is birthday fluff/angst, but I promise it is so sweet that it will rot your teeth (I swear).





	Until Whenever

**Author's Note:**

> I really wanted to write something for Jiyong's 29th birthday and here it is! I am a bit early (it's still the 28th were I live), but I won't be able to upload anything tomorrow so HAPPY BIRTHDAY KWON-LEADER! I really hope he can enjoy his day off (the world tour must be kicking his ass..) and I was in desperate need for some GTop fluff.
> 
> English is not my mother tongue, so if you find any mistakes, please let me know!

Jiyong’s legs felt like cement blogs and his eye lids were about to fall shut at any given moment. The jetlag hit him harder than expected, but he was so glad that he was able to be at home for his birthday. Even though it was weird to come home to an empty flat, because Dami was still god knows where and wouldn’t be home until Saturday morning – a day after his birthday, and Ai was still at his parent’s house, because he just couldn’t bear to leave him alone for more than a few hours. His mom had promised to look after him and bring him over when she would pay him a visit on his birthday tomorrow afternoon anyways.

He slowly dragged himself through the front door of his flat. The heavy suitcase had already been carried to his bedroom a few minutes earlier so he wouldn’t have to do anything but fall into his bed and sleep. Jiyong carelessly threw his keys and key card into a bowl, which was placed on top of one of the cupboards near the entrance and made his way through his apartment. He was so tired he didn’t even hear the faint noise of running water coming from his bathroom at first, but fell face first into the leather couch in his living room.

His limbs were protesting so bad he couldn’t even move a single muscle. As much as he loved to stand in front of his fans, to show them the best show of their lives and entertain them the best he could and sing his heart out to the thousands of people listening to him, as much as a pain it was afterwards. The past few months had been probably the worst of his life so far.

First, Seunghyun, his Hyung, had to leave for the military. The departure was so painful, he had tried to smile as bright and happy as he could so his Hyung would remember the happy times they shared with one another so he wouldn’t feel too bad about leaving, but once the door fell shut behind Seunghyun everything came crashing down. It was like he was being pulled under water – the pressure being so strong that he collapsed onto the floor, bawling his eyes out throughout the whole night. It took him hours and hours to finally calm down a bit. The only thing that seemed to help him though, was wearing his Hyung’s “New Order” sweater, which the both of them had gotten a year before, shortly before Seunghyun’s birthday. It had still smelled like him and eventually managed to lull Jiyong into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning felt even worse, though.

The heaviness of everything suffocated him once again and it took him several tries to get up. It was Ai in the end who jumped on his face and meowed so loud and begged for food that he had no other choice but get up.

In the end, he threw himself into his work. Day and night, he worked at his solo-project. He got so obsessed that he even forgot to eat, much to the concern of his family and close friends. Youngbae tried his best to slip him some meals as often as he could, but sadly, Jiyong never felt hungry and it was an act of unspeakable strength to get him to eat at least a little bit.

After a few months, he seemed to finally get better.

But then the bomb dropped.

 

It was everywhere.

The scandal of the century.

 

Idol and actor Choi Seunghyun, also known as T.O.P, was caught with marijuana, because that damn bitch decided to save her own, sorry ass and snitched.

It felt like he was thrown back into 2011, but this time it was not him, but his Hyung who had to go through all of this shit. To say it scared him shitless how Seunghyun would react was the underestimation of the century. They all knew that even though he had this very mysterious charisma, when he was on stage as T.O.P, but they all knew the real Seunghyun. The playful, childish and more often the Hyung who would stand up way too late, because these terrible thoughts were plaguing him. There was a reason why he never bothered to set a code on his phone to unlock it, there was a reason why Daesung always jumped whenever he called him and left behind everything he was doing at the moment to be at his side, there was a reason why they all wanted to protect him and be there for him when times were rough.

Sadly, Jiyong’s gut feeling proved him right once again when he unlocked his phone on June 6th and he felt like the world had stopped moving. His fingers and face and everything else was numb. The only proof that he was still alive was the fanatically pounding heart in his chest.  He didn’t even realise he had been crying so bad until his mother finally picked up her phone and she couldn’t decipher what the sobbing and screaming could mean.

The following days were defiantly the worst of his live.

They didn’t let him inside the hospital.

It would cause a scene, Hyun Suk had told him.

He wouldn’t be of any help there anyways.

 

Jiyong had never felt so helpless in his 28 years.

 

The day he had finally woken up, was the same day his music video for “untitled, 2014” had been released. Ironically, the song was about Seunghyun. It was like a sign from god, that Seunghyun’s time wasn’t at its end yet and Jiyong cried happy tears when Seunghyun’s mother finally called him and told him, he would be fine.

He still couldn’t meet him though.

His tour was about to start the next day and Seunghyun was being transferred to another, more private hospital the next day, too. He had no chance of visiting him and it nearly killed him.

In the end he begged his manager to go to visit him, packed with too many letter Jiyong had written through the past few months for him to read. In most of them he spoke about the things he had been up to during his time of absence, about the places he had visited and still wanted to visit with his Hyung at his side. He also talked about how much he missed him sometimes and that he would always end up at his Villa to look at the paintings they had purchased together and thought about their shared moments. It helped him to get through the day sometimes.

He also sent the chrome-hear bracelet with one of the letters.

Jiyong knew that Seunghyun wouldn’t be able to wear them, but he wanted him to have something he could always carry with him to remind him of the good times and how much he was loved.

 

Weeks went by and he still hadn’t been able to meet him.

 

The U.S tour was finally over; Japan and Europe would be next.

 

He was still so deep in his thoughts that he nearly jumped out of his skin when he heard soft footsteps approach him and a warm hand was placed at the back of his head, caressing his soft hair and massaging his skull.

Jiyong immediately whipped around, ready to punch anyone who intruded his home just like that in the face, when his movements froze and his mouth gaped open.

There, in front of him, with messy hair and an old beat-up sweater from the times they still shared a dorm was Seunghyun, a soft, warm smile and eyes shining with so much love and affection for him that hit nearly suffocated the younger one.

Jiyong felt the prickling wetness of tears as he lunged forward and threw his arms around the older man’s neck, burying his face in his neck and held on so tight it was probably uncomfortable. He didn’t even care when the both of them lost their balance and fell back onto the couch, with Jiyong on top of Seunghyun who was still silently sobbing into his chest.

Both of them didn’t say a thing for a long time. Seungyhun simply drew soothing patterns with his fingers on Jiyong’s back, tracing the curve of his spine and placed warm, featherlike kisses at his cheeks, neck and shoulder, never letting go of his equally tight grip around the younger one’s hip.

 

“Come on, Love. I prepared a warm bubble bath for you, I know how bad you sleep when you fly for a long time, I bet your back is killing you right now.”

 

Jiyong didn’t dare to protest. Something he had learned over the years of being with the other man was, that he found closure in taking care of the people he loved most in his life. It might have sounded odd, but when Seunghyun was feeling bad, because his depression was kicking his butt, he would always pamper Jiyong as much as he could. He needed to be able to show himself that even though he felt numb sometimes, that he was still able to love as much as any other person.

It had not always been like that, though.

A few years earlier when his depression got so bad, they even ended up breaking up, because Jiyong’s own health was starting to spin downwards, he had shut himself off completely. It wasn’t until he had lost Jiyong, that he realized that this was not how he wanted to fight his depression.

Thankfully, both of them were able to talk things through. Once again. No matter how bad the situation might get, they always ended up together again.

They were like Almond and Chocolate after all. At their best, when together.

 

Seungyhun carefully lifted the other man up like a princess and carried him through the corridor right into the bathroom. Bubbles and the scent of fruits and other exotic things greeted Jiyong and he felt like crying once again. He seriously didn’t know how he had gotten so lucky to meet a man like Seunghyun and actually call him his.

He was placed at the edge of the tub when Seunghyun started to wordlessly undress him. Right at this moment, they didn’t have to speak about anything, but to soak into each other’s presence. Small, shy glances were thrown at each other, often followed by giggles which broke through both of their lips and Jiyong loved every second of it.

The younger one also loved to finally see his Hyung, his love, smile again. The way the barely there crowfeet at his eyes would wrinkle just so adorably Jiyong couldn’t help but stare at them or trace them with the edge of his thumb, or the way his deep dimples would show when his mouth would stretch into a sly smirk when he had finally undressed Jiyong completely and slipped him into the bathtub. Jiyong was about to relax when he heard the rustling of clothes and felt another body slip into the warm water right behind him. A broad chest pressed against his back and long arms where placed around his slim waist, pulling him closer to his body. He felt Seunghyun cuddle up to him and he couldn’t stop the goofy smile on his lips as he felt Seungyhun inhaling his scent.

It felt so good to be held like that again after such a long time, it nearly made his head spin how much this man could improve his day and cause him so much happiness it was unbearable sometimes. Jiyong placed his hands on top of Seunghyun’s. He slowly traced the scar on his right hand with his left thumb, smiling again when he lined up his smiley tattoo with the scar.

After a while Seunghyun let go of Jiyong for a bit and reached for the shampoo and the body wash right next to them and started to give his lover one of his infamous massages. He started right at the back of Jiyong’s head, making his way carefully down the slim neck until he reached his tensed shoulders. He let his long fingers do their magic as they worked on the small knots until they were gone and Jiyong couldn’t help but let pleasant sighs and moans escape his lips. If he weren’t so dead tired and felt like falling asleep within the next ten minutes he would immediately jump Seungyhun and ride him until both of them were breathless and couldn’t move anymore, but today was not one of those days and they both knew it. Besides, Jiyong would be home for the next four or five days, plenty of time to talk and catch up on anything they needed and wanted to discuss and even more time to jump each other, no matter where they were in this flat.

 

 

“Come on, you are already half asleep. Let me dry you off and carry you to our bed.”

 

Jiyong simply talked back utter nonsense in his usual I-am-too-tired-to-talk-properly-voice, which usually sounded like a mixture of a to men unknown, ancient language and a baby making random noises. It didn’t help that Jiyong was holding up his arms to Seunghyun, who had already left the bathtub, and was now clenching and unclenching his hands and fingers into small fists to tell his Hyung that he wanted to be picked up. Seunghyun couldn’t help but laugh at his boyfriend of more or less ten years now. He always got scolded for being childish by other people, because he collected toys and often acted purer that any other adult, but if they knew how things were when he and Jiyong were home alone, they defiantly wouldn’t tease him as much as they did, but the fearless leader of BigBang.

“Is my princess tired already? Come on, let’s get you out of this tub.”

 

Five minutes later, which included both of them nearly slipping back into the tub because Seungyhun lost his balance when he tried to pick up his lover, laughing-fits which lasted even longer because they both couldn’t help but giggle as soon as they made eye-contact and too many sweet kisses, they finally laid cuddled up on their bed. Thin blankets covered their naked bodies – it was way too hot for anything else.

Jiyong had placed his head on the older man’s shoulder and was playing with his short hair.

 

“You look so beautiful, you know that?”

 

Another shy giggle burst through Jiyong’s lips and he couldn’t help but bite down on them a little bit.

 

“See who’s talking, the most handsome man in the world.”

 

Their foreheads touched as the continued to smile at each other.

 

 

Their peace was disturbed when suddenly an alarm on Seunghyun’s phone went off and he jumped out of bed immediately to turn it off. He quickly pulled on a fresh pair of boxers and ran out of the room, leaving behind a dazed and confused Jiyong, who couldn’t help but stare at the place where Seunghyun had rushed out of the room.

“Hyung..?”

Jiyong sat up on the bed, covers falling from his shoulders and onto his lap as he continued to look through the open door of his bedroom. There were loud noises coming from the kitchen, occasional cussing and even more noises of the fridge door being yanked open and thrown shut again. He was about to get up and see why Seungyhun was causing such a ruckus, when he heard his boyfriend’s voice echoing through the halls of his apartment.

“Don’t you dare to get up! I will be right at your side in a few seconds!” – a loud crash echoed through the otherwise empty flat – “okay, not seconds, but maybe a few minutes, but don’t you dare to get up!”

Whatever his better half was doing in the kitchen, Jiyong couldn’t help but smile. Unlike him, Seunghyun usually knew what he was doing in the kitchen, which is why it amused him to no end to hear him suffer like that for once. Normally it was him who blew up the whole kitchen by mistake. The only thing he actually managed to create without having to completely renovate the whole kitchen – and sometimes the hallway that connected the kitchen with the other rooms – was these small, cup-sized chocolate cakes that only required to be put into the microwave.

Another five minutes of desperation on Seunghyun’s side passed by until it got really quiet.

Jiyong was getting impatient. He was never really good when it came to waiting for something, especially when it was a surprise for him – which this obviously was, otherwise the older man wouldn’t cause such a turmoil at ten minutes past midnight.

 

“I really hope you like this..”

The birthday boy was about to open his mouth and ask what exactly Seunghyun was talking about when he saw the older one coming back into the bedroom.

He was carrying a tray, with a giant ice-cake in form of a cute, rose coloured cat, with comically big eyes, ears and even a tail. Two candles, one in from of a “2” and one in form of a “9” were placed at the back of the cat. The candles were already burning and Jiyong couldn’t hold back a broad smile as he saw how carefully Seunghyun held the tray.

He was also balancing a few, various sized, neatly packed presents in his arms. The balloons, which were tied to the tray, the giant party hat and the party horn hanging from his mouth were also a great distraction and Jiyong was really impressed as his boyfriend managed to finally place the tray on the bed, party horn blowing every now and then and making obnoxious sounds.

 

“Happy Birthday, my love.”, Seungyhun said sweetly, before he leaned closer to Jiyong and gave him a kiss so filled with love and adoration that it made the younger man’s head spin. He was about to deepen the kiss when Seunghyun pulled back again.

“As much as I want to continue to kiss you like there is no tomorrow, the candles are burning and you know what happened the last time we forgot about the birthday cake…I still feel sorry for Ai.”

“Oh please, you were the one who couldn’t stop laughing at my poor baby, you said he looked like a barn-owl after the third wildland fire!”

“Well, it was true, but I still felt sorry for him! Good thing, he is still with your mother, otherwise that poor, little guy would already wet his fur when I was lightning the candels..”

“Alright, alright, now shush! I wanna blow out the candles and wish for something!”

 

Jiyong leaned back dramatically and placed his thumb and finger at his chin, pretending to be in deep thoughts and thinking about something he could wish for. He already knew what he wanted, but he always enjoyed to put on a show – especially for Seunghyun.

 

After a few seconds, he finally leaned forward and blew out the candles. A broad smile tugged on his lips as he saw his boyfriend eagerly watching him.

 

“And? What did you wish for?”

Of course, his boyfriend would ask, even after so many birthdays being spent together, he would try and try no matter how often he would receive the same answer.

 

_For you to always be by my side, Hyung._

 

“You know the rules! I can’t just tell you, otherwise my wish will never be granted.”

Seunghyun immediately pretended to be hurt, crossed his arms in front of his chest and started to sulk. His lower lip pushed out a little bit and his brows changed into a frown. It was utterly adorable to see the older man behave like this.

The birthday boy immediately reached for a piece of the cake and before Seunghyun could react, he had a said piece smeared across his face and an arm full of manically cackling Jiyong.

“Oh, no you didn’t – don’t you think just because it’s your birthday you get away with this!”

 

He grabbed Jiyong and threw him back onto their bed, his hands aiming for his sides and tickled him mercilessly. The younger man’s laughter only grew louder and he started to sob, trying to catch some air as tears of joy streamed down his face and he begged him to stop, but Seunghyun wouldn’t give up that easily. He took a piece of the cake as well and perfectly smashed it into Jiyong’s face.

The fight was on.

Loud squealing and laughter filled the room, occasionally disturbed by curses when one of them would get another load of cake into the face, but the cheerful atmosphere never left.

 

Jiyong was about to grab the last piece of cake, when he felt something weird in the texture of the cake batter. Confused, he looked down on his hand, which was completely covered in the remaining pieces of it and started to pick through it with his other hand. Suddenly, he felt something small, probably something metallic brushing at the tip of his fingers and his movements stopped. He didn’t want to expect too much, but it almost felt like a ring.

He could feel Seunghyun stare at him, as he carefully cleaned the small object and lifted it to his face, only to immediately cover his mouth with the back of his other hand and stared.

It was a ring.

A absolute beautiful one.

 

Jiyong looked back at Seunghyun with wide, uncertain eyes and didn’t know how to react. His heart was beating so fast and he felt his cheeks turning red.

It only got worse when Seunghyun carefully took the ring from Jiyong’s hands and carefully whipped it clean with a tissue, getting down on his knees in front of the bed and looked up at Jiyong.

He held his breath, almost like he was in trance.

 

Seunghyun was blushing as well.

 

He finally had finished cleaning off the ring and was now holding it up to Jiyong, who was still no daring to react in any way.

 

“Jiyong, we have known each other for nearly 20 years now, and I have to say that these years were the best of my life with you by my side. We were always a bit like cat and mouse, especially when we were younger and we fought a lot, but we always came back to each other. Even when we grew up and finally realized how much we loved each other. We had our ups and downs as a couple, some worse than other, but at the end of day, we still love each other and would fight for this love like no one else would.”

“I know, I have always said, that I don’t really see myself marrying someone, simply because I didn’t feel like I was the type for marriage. It also had something to do with the fact that I was never able to believe in marriage, because of my father, but being with you, was always something that made we want to change things to the better in my life and also improve my own ways to become a better person for myself and for you, too.”

“When I took all these pills, I was in such a bad place and the voices in my head got the better of me, I wasn’t thinking anymore, just reacting, but when I woke up again, I realized what a huge mistake I had made.”

“I know this might sound weird to you, but after I woke up, I felt better about myself. Better about who I am and all the things I had achieved by hard work and you by my side and I realized that the night you kissed me goodbye when I had to leave for the military, could have been the last memory I would have been able to make with you and that’s not what I want.”

“I want to spend so much more time with you by my side, to watch sunsets and sunrises and all that crap, I want to build my life with you by my side and make more happy memories with you.”

A small pause.

 

“Kwon Jiyong, will you marry me?”

 

At first, Jiyong wasn’t able to react at all. The heartfelt speech had caused him to tear up even more than during their tickle-fight and he had a hard time actually believing what was happening right now was reality and not another one of his dreams.

 

But when Seunghyun looked at him, his eyes so soft and full of hope he knew that he could never be able to dream this up. This was too perfect.

 

Tears finally slipped down his face and he threw himself at Seunghyun, covering his face in kisses as he whispered “yes, yes a thousand times yes!” over and over again and if he wasn’t the happiest human on this planet before, he defiantly was when he saw Seunghyun’s reaction.

His whole face lit up in a way he had never seen before and tears of joy were filling his eyes, his fingers were shaking as he took Jiyong’s hand in his and placed the ring carefully on his ring finger. It fit perfectly.

Jiyong finally leaned over and kissed his fiancé full on the lips, his fingers cradling Seunghyun’s face as he pulled him closer – never letting him go again. Their smiles were so bright, the muscles in their faces started to hurt, but it didn’t matter. Nothing else did, besides the both of them, kissing each other and holding each other while sitting on their bed.

 

“I am going to love you no matter what.”

 

“ _Until whenever_?”

 

“ _Until whenever_.”


End file.
